dear silly girl,
there is this yellow-flowering bush on the side of the house that has been bullying me. sounds crazy, right? well, it’s the truth. i swear every time i walk outside it shakes it’s limbs furiously and blows its sticky pollen in my face. thanks to this assault, i am then plagued with a headache that’s right on up there with what’s created when you have nails-on-a-chalkboard and a first grader with a new drum set. it’s pure torture.
therefore, i’ve been under the influence of benadryl for a few days and your father has been teaching you words and phrases that i disapprove of you knowing such as “hussy” and “bad joo-joo”. i’d rather you, unlike your mother, not call anyone a hussy without knowing the meaning of the word. and i don’t want you to believe in voo-doo ever. we are staying out of the state of louisiana until you can decipher sense from nonsense.
how we have all of this pollen is a mystery to me. it’s been cold and rainy here. we’ll have one or two days of 70 degree weather and then it’s freezing again.
when i’m not being victimized by yellow bushes or freezing in the rain, i can be found pushing you around our neighborhood in this little car with a handle on the back of it. you like searching for puppies in our neighbors yards and asking them to follow us home. you take it well when i explain that they can’t come with us.
there are certain things that i haven’t been taking well lately, though. like when you wave at neighbors who are sitting in swings in their yards or riding lawn-mowers and they refuse to wave back at you. all i can figure is that something must be wrong with their arms or surely they’d wave at a two-year-old. either way, it infuriates me and they are forever labeled in my mind as evil.
just know that i’ve got your back. i can glare like nobody’s business.
i love you lots and lots like tater tots.
hating these allergies,