dear silly girl,
i’m sure that i’ll have lots of advice for you over the years and eventually some of it will be out-dated. but i feel the need to tell you all of the advice and wisdom that i have to offer while i remember it. sometimes it will be a jumble of miscellaneous things and sometimes it will be very specific. and sometimes, i’ll just be telling you facts. a kind of what-to-expect for life based on my experiences. if i find later on that i’ve given you bad advice, i will try to correct it before i print, publish, and give this to you.
so let me begin by telling you some facts.
fact & advice: your house will probably be a hot mess from the time your children are born until they are old enough to be made to do chores. so give yourself a break and stop re-mopping the blasted kitchen floor.
fact: elderly people will always call your little girl a boy if she doesn’t have shoulder-length, curly hair.
fact: your car will be a hot mess until your children are old enough to suffer without snacks in the car. i don’t know what that age is yet. i’ll letcha know.
fact & advice: those little potties that you sit in the floor and can pour the loveliness into the big potty are a total waste of money. buy the seat that goes on the big potty and save yourself the icky hassle.
fact: slim fast never works.
fact: no one, except maybe wonderful grandparents, will ever treat and love your children like you do.
fact: if you have to take your child to daycare at any point and for any reason, you will cry the entire first week and sometimes even longer than that.
fact: if you take your child out of daycare and decide to stay home, you will not regret it.
fact: life is easier if you don’t have credit cards and car payments.
fact: it’s easier to go to college right out of high school instead of waiting until you’re married and have a child. because your child wants to play outside, watch elmo, and wants you to watch elmo, too.
that’s enough facts for now. there are lots of facts that i can tell you. facts can be thought of as lessons learned, or rather things that i’ve already experienced and learned from. so let’s get started on some advice, shall we?
advice: never trade in a car. pay the one you have off and repair it when it needs to be fixed. then save your money up to buy a new car in cash. financing a car is a dumb-dumb move and almost everyone regrets it at some point.
advice: go out with your girl friends as much as you can before you have children and get married. later on, you won’t have as much time.
advice: if your friend asks you if you like her boyfriend and you don’t, don’t tell her the truth unless you don’t want to be friends anymore.
advice: if you must take a dessert to a function, take one that tastes good over one that’s pretty. as a matter of fact, just make my hot fudge cake and call it a day.
advice: never bring up stuff from the past when you argue with your husband. it’s not in good taste and only leads to resentment. focus on what you’re arguing about at the time and take a breather if it’s going no where.
advice: save for vacation every year that you can. vacation is one of the best parts of life.
advice: put sunscreen on your hands and feet. they age the fastest. i’m 27 and can already tell that my hands and feet look older. i blame driving and year-round flip-flop wearing.
i’ll come up with more later.