disclaimer: this post contains a very small amount of profanity. read at your own risk.
dear silly girl,
i blame your father and national lampoon’s christmas vacation.
i was standing in the kitchen the other day when you came marching in with a smile on your face, proudly saying your first curse word. i tried not to make a big deal of it. i tried not to laugh. but i’m almost certain i smiled in my attempt to keep myself from laughing. i quickly tried to decide how to handle it.
“we don’t say that word,” i said. “that’s a bad word. say shoot instead.”
“shoot,” you said with a smile.
i naively thought that would be the end of it, but no.
daddy plays computer games and from time to time he feels the need to cuss the computer as if that’s gonna straighten it out! something is wrong with his brain stem.
anyway, we were in the bath tub the other night, having a wonderful time singing 5 little monkeys jumping on the bed, when it happened.
“damn it!” your father yelled at his computer in the next room.
immediately, you stood up in the bathtub and said, “damn it!” i didn’t even think you had heard him.
“that’s a bad word, too,” i informed you. “say dang it instead.”
“ray!” i yelled. that’s daddy’s middle name. instead of yelling his full name to correct him, i just call him “ray”.
“i know!” he yelled back. “i’m sorry.”
i’ve threatened him before. he knows i don’t want a cussing preschooler. your great-grandparents would have a heart attack.
the other things that we’re trying to break you of saying are my fault. i didn’t even realize that i said these things enough for your to catch on to, but apparently you have become a sponge that repeats everything. what words or phrases am i talking about? that would be “shut up” and “stupid.”
you’re suppose to say hush instead of shut up and silly instead of stupid. you know you’re not suppose to say all of these things. i know that you know it because you like to whisper these words and smile.
“mama… stupid thang.”
“mama… shut up.”
you repeat them as soon as i say them. and i’m really trying not to. i truly am. but obviously everything i can’t find is stupid and someone always needs to shut up. i never say those words to you. and even when i say shut up, it’s usually when dad and i are joking around or i’m flipping channels. but i say stupid quite a bit, because i can’t find things quite a bit.
so i think i’m gonna let you have stupid as long as you don’t call anyone that.
i think you’ll turn out alright regardless.