just letters

the one about the vegetable fairy

cucumber

dear silly girl,

we have a vegetable fairy.

at least once a week, i go to the back door to let biscuit out and sitting on the railing of the deck will be a bag with cucumbers, tomatoes, and peppers in it. what a sweet little vegetable fairy!

it’s not really a fairy. our next door neighbor, ms. presley leaves them on the porch. she’s a tiny little older lady who just can’t eat all the cucumbers her other neighbor gives her. if you recall, she’s the lady i have to pray for when daddy can’t get the weed eater to work. you know, because of all the profanity.

anyway, she leaves me vegetables and i leave her thank you notes. i’d leave her cake or something, but i just can’t imagine putting a sliver of cake on a plate to give her. we all know that a normal slice is just too dern much! i make the neighbors cookies at christmas each year and literally only put about 5 cookies on her cookie plate, and she still tells me that she had to give them to people visiting her. it’s precious!

i have no problem eating all of the cucumbers and tomatoes she delivers.

…i made an A on my speech final today! whoooo-hoooo! i never, ever, ever, ever have to give a speech again! where’s the champagne and cheering audience?? i’m ready! y’all can come on out!

…i toy around on trulia when i get bored and can’t bear to pinterest anymore. i really want to live in hendersonville, north carolina and today i found the cutest little house for sale! it’s currently used as someone’s summer home.

a summer home. so fancy. i want it as an everyday-of-my-life home.

and speaking of homes, i watch a little too much hgtv. someone please tell me where the heck all of these first-time buyers who are approved for $500,000+ loans are working. it blows my mind. it really blows my mind when franchesca rockafeller says, “we only have a $680,000 budget so we really have to be careful.” oh puh-lease. get ova yourself.

if they were shopping in new york or los angeles, i could get on board. but pennsylvania? what the fudge, people.

…you are still doing pretty good potty training today. you were horrible for gran this morning and made her clean up some pretty terrible messes, but that’s why i only left you there for about an hour. i had a feeling that leaving you would deter our progress.

what’s really funny is when you sit on the potty and can’t pee so you tell me, “it doesn’t work.”

it totally works, little smurfette. just gotta make it work in the potty.

love forever,

mama

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