just letters

the one about real life and all my categories

Photo courtesy of seriouseats.com

dear silly girl,

i have epiphanies a lot. almost every day. suddenly, things just make sense. for instance, i’ve come to realize that i can categorize almost everything into either facts, mysteries, true functions, or honest truths. let me give you some examples.

fact: if there is a glass full of any kind of beverage, somehow you will knock it over. never on purpose, but it just becomes a target that cannot be missed.

mystery: how a 2.5 year old girl can pee straight out and hit the bathroom rug, my toes, and anything else in the way.

true function: the true function of the vacuum cleaner is to pick up 4,000 cheerios daily that somehow manage to be scattered throughout my living room.

honest truth: a mother who is no longer in the newbie stage will most certainly be caught at some point holding a corn dog, french fries, or a chicken nugget out the window to cool it off.

see. everything has a category.

amazingly, all of these things apply to my life. my tea glass was knocked over approximately 50 times yesterday. my 2.5 year old {you} manages to pee straight out from her body and bless us all with a light sprinkling. my vacuum cleaner picks up roughly 9 gazillion cheerios daily. and i held fries, a corn dog, and a chicken nugget out the window while driving today. and sadly, i was totally unashamed.

real life is just that: real.

you currently have a face covered in pizza sauce with your head stuck in a bowl full of kettle corn. you’re watching stuart little for the billionth time and marking all through my notebook where i write the nonsense that pops into my head with a blue crayon. all of this is happening right now.

today is our eat whatever day which is why you’ve consumed so much junk. you had french fries for breakfast as we drove to aldi where i spent a small fortune on groceries. then we ran into walmart to pick up what i couldn’t find at aldi and you decided to inspect the bathroom 4 times. we visited both sets of grandparents within a 2 hour period. then, we came home for about an hour before i got the bright idea to go to kohls to look for you some long sleeved shirts for fall. we stopped to get gas where you informed me that it was potty time. we sped as fast as we could to a decent bathroom, but didn’t make it before “holding it” was no longer an option. our first car seat accident occurred.

being the planner that i am, i had an extra outfit and pair of panties in my purse. i cleaned you up, dressed you, and we booked it to kohls. it took me all of 5 minutes to find two shirts and decide to get the heck outta there. but not before picking up a plush curious george at check out. daddy managed to bonk your head putting you in the car and then we were off! headed home! oh glorious day!

once home, i popped the pizza in the oven. you ran through the kitchen, tripped, and landed face first into the back of the couch, busting your lip. holy crap! an accident-free day slipped right through our hands. i prayed a silent prayer thanking God for allowing your crowns to stay firmly planted in your mouth.

supper was served at 11 pm. we are parental rock stars.

but that’s just how it goes.

tomorrow is a new day. i have a new ikea catalog to flip through, hazelnut coffee creamer, and i’m pretty sure i’ve convinced daddy to get up early to go to toys-r-us to pick up some $5 princess dolls.

it’s real life.

and life is good.

love forever,

mama

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