just letters

the one where your crown falls out of your head

dear silly girl,

i should have seen it coming.

but i would have never guessed that you would suddenly bite the playdoh since you’d never done that before!

we were sitting on the couch having a wonderful time making playdoh bowls just like mama bear, daddy bear, and baby bear in goldilocks and the three bears. {i told you all about them one day in your room and you have been obsessed ever since.} since they ate their porridge out of their own little bowls, we had to make our own bowls, too. the big green one was daddy’s, the purple one was mama’s, and the little orange one was baby’s. i was making bowls and imaginary popcorn while watching harry potter behind your head when it happened. {yes, i know i had it coming.}

apparently, i wasn’t tearing off little pieces of playdoh and wadding it up into balls popping imaginary popcorn fast enough and you had to take matters into your own hands. out of no where, you decided that the right thing to do was to bite the purple mama bowl which pulled your crown slap out of your mouth. i didn’t even realize what had happened until you said, “uh oh.”

i looked in the purple playdoh you were shoving towards my face expecting to see a hair or something in it. {you know, since we have a giant fur ball living in the house with highlights that would make a skunk jealous. hence, i was expecting to blame the dog for whatever was in the playdoh.}

but no. that would have been too easy.

instead, there it was. your little crown. stuck safely in the purple bane of my existence.

“oh my god!”

your dad jumped up from his computer desk expecting to see blood or something. but not a drop was to be seen.

just for the sake of knowledge, a crown on a child is a prefabricated little tooth that the dentist just tries his best to size himself and is cemented over the existing tooth after they drill it into a triangle kinda like the headless horseman’s teeth in sleepy hollow {the movie with johnny depp in it.}

you looked a little panicked, but it didn’t hurt. i was all at once pissed and worried and shocked and trying to talk some sense into myself.

“i know it’s only been two weeks, but these things happen.”

“i have to keep this blasted crown in her mouth for at least 3 more years! this should not be happening.”

“they’ll just re-cement it and everything will be fine.”

“they better not even dream of charging me after i just paid them over a thousand dollars this week for the “extra” work you needed done once he had you knocked out.”

this was my inner dialogue. and then you started having a dialogue of your own.

for the rest of last night and all day today i have heard this multiple times: “aww, poor baby’s teeth. ” and then you stick out your lip like you’re sad and pouting. it’s absolutely adorable and hilarious. i keep reassuring you that we’re going to go to the dentist on monday {because apparently pediadontists take fridays off} and they are going to put some “glue” on it and put it back in your mouth.

and you better believe that i’m gonna be there, encouraging them to put the strongest, most reliable “glue” they have in there, and demanding dr. dentist-to-the-stars to sign a guarantee or else i’ll become one of those mothers who drink wine at 10 am to get through the day.

i don’t ask for much. all i want is a safe, healthy child with all of her very expensive, stress-and-tear-inducing teeth in her sweet little head.

every single one of them until you’re five and then they can do whatever they want.

love forever,

the lady with a tiny plastic tupperware bowl containing a small child’s tooth floating around in her purse

a.k.a. your mama

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