just letters

the one where the house smells like a brothel

dear silly girl,

you discovered a small bottle of some kind of nasty-smelling cologne in the bottom drawer in the bathroom this afternoon. why daddy would keep some weird cologne that he doesn’t even wear is beyond me. if it stinks, just throw it away.

but, no.

you found it. and you sprayed it all through the house. you also sprayed it on daddy and me as we were trying to snatch it gently take it out of your tiny, little hands.

the whole house stinks.

it’s somewhere between old-man-who-can’t-smell-anymore and old-timey whore house. a lovely combination.

but the joke is on you, tater tot.

because we are going to have bath-a-palooza tonight, my friend! after a lengthy soak in grown-up soap and warm water, no crevice will go un-dunked, un-scrubbed, or un-rinsed. it’s gonna be like our very own exorcism.

we are getting rid of the smelly demons!

and while i throw the holy water on you, i will have daddy put locks on the bathroom cabinets. and then i will discuss with you why we never, ever spray cologne or body spray that’s not being used. if it were any good, it would be gone.

bless you, my child.

love forever,

mama

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