just letters

the one where you almost made me stroke out

dear silly girl,

i’m not really sure what kind of messed up thought entered your wee little brain this afternoon, but it must have really been a doozy.

i had to fill up the car with gas so we stopped at a Spinx gas station. Because you had slurped every bit of juice out of your cup, i thought we would pop inside and purchase some apple juice, too.

it was a normal trip. you stayed on the candy aisle forever looking for a prize while i encouraged you to hurry up. after picking up a sucker in the shape of a bottle and a ring pop, we picked up our juice, paid the cashier, and headed out the door.

{enter twisted thought.}

for some ungodly reason, you thought, hey, this would be an awesome time to run from mama.

in a gas station parking lot!

you kept running around the car, which was parked at the front of the store. i didn’t care about all the lovely people sitting in their cars judging me as unfit. all i could think was oh my God, she’s going to run out in front of a car and be turned into a speed bump. 

i wanted to cry, i wanted to scream, i wanted to beat the hog snot out of you.

but i did none of those things.

i ran the other way, caught you, scooped you up, informed you that you would never receive another prize as long as you live, and lectured you on what could have happened to you.

did you care that you could have been run over? no.

did you care that you had scared the daylights out of your mother? no.

all you cared about was that you would not be receiving the candy you had just picked out in the store. you begged,  you cried, you screamed, you promised you’d never run again, you swore you would eternally be a problem-less child. {i may be exaggerating that last one a bit.}

when we got home, you were still begging for your prize. i decided this was a great time to have one of our chats.

casey, look at me. if you ever run from me again, you will never get another prize because you will spend the rest of your life locked in your bedroom with nothing more than a twin bed, a lamp, and bread and water for every meal. do you understand?

no.

do you hear what i’m saying to you? 

no.

i have a sneaking suspicion that this is the way it is going to be for the rest of our lives. i will be worried sick, scared to death, and wondering why i decide to take you out in public at all. you will be carefree and only listening to me selectively.

i think i will use the parts of my weekend when i’m not studying to make a list of all the ways i can punish you by age group.  i will hang it on the refrigerator next to the library activity schedule. { writing sentences about how wonderful your mother is, walking across the room with a book balanced on your head, and making you wait on me hand and foot while i jingle a bell are some of the more creative ones i’ve thought of. that last one will be saved for your teenage years. you have a lot to look forward to. }

the first time you call me crying when your one-day bundle of joy runs from you in public, i will know that karma is real and will tell you so.

so it may be best for you to put your future children on those leash things that some people use.

i love you, you little devil.

love forever,

mama

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2 thoughts on “the one where you almost made me stroke out

  1. I know exactly how you feel. My daughter did this to me many times. And, unlike all my friends’ kids, she was not a fan of “staying with the group.” Not when there are so many other groups out there in the world. You know I live in NYC, right? In the four years it took her to go from age 2-6, I think I aged 10 years. During one scolding, she responded to me with complete annoyance and said, “But Mommy, you know I like meeting new people!”

    1. That’s so funny! Well, now it is. I’m sure it wasn’t then! I can’t imagine having a child run from me in NYC! I’d be on meds for sure! Lol

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