just letters

the one about phone sex lines, broken noses, and college

dear silly girl,

gran called a phone sex line today.

twice.

she was trying to call medicare, but pushed one button and got a surprise.

to chat with sexy women, press 1. to chat with sexy men, press 2. 

when she called to have me look up the right number for medicare, i was tempted to ask her well did you press 2? but i didn’t think she’d appreciate my twistedness. twistedness is not a word, but i’m allowing it because i had my third chemistry test at 8 this morning, followed by 5 hours in the library writing my sociology paper, and 2 hours in lab where we played with oxidizing alcohols. everyone had colds so i was elected to describe how they smelled since i was the only one who could breathe.

speaking of sickness, the dude sitting at the table beside me in the library today was hacking up a lung. one of my lab partners informed me at the end of the lab that she’s coming down with something. i never get sick, but given the amount of germy and largely hygiene-deficient college kids around me everyday, i’m terrified that i’m going to catch some kind of super bug.

… it’s been a freaky week. on friday, papa morris fell going up his stairs, broke his nose, and blacked both of his eyes. he looks absolutely pitiful. we were there so we took care of him since aunt misty passes out at the sight of blood. and i’m talking seriously gets woozy at the sight of a drop of blood. she once pinched her hand while installing hardwood floors, saw the blood, passed out and fell forward earning herself a giant knot on her forehead, only to wake up, see it again, and pass out and fall backwards. the woman just cannot do it. jacob is the same way. he turns white and refuses to go in a room if he knows there’s a used band-aid in there.

so we took care of papa the best we could. we were able to stop the bleeding everywhere except the gash on top of his nose. we tried band-aids, liquid bandage, and finally super glue. the super glue was his idea and it worked like a charm. i’m calling it appalachian doctoring. daddy had to put it on him because i just couldn’t put super glue on my father-in-law’s face.

but don’t worry! he’s fine and went on about his business like nothing happened. he even went to hardees the next morning. i’m waiting on the police to show up at their house any minute to find out who beat the tar out of  this senior citizen.

anyway, he went to the doctor two days later and it’s broke. he’s going to an ear, nose, and throat doctor soon and they’ll fix him all up.

then last night, aunt jennifer’s dog was run over. she was devastated, as anyone would be. i text her, i called her, i listened to her cry. i hate that. i hate it when anything happens to a pet, and i especially hate to hear someone’s pain and be helpless to make it better.

… i have two more labs in anatomy and physiology and in chemistry, and then i’m done! well, until next semester. but next semester is my last one before i can apply for my program and FINALLY be in dental classes. i just need to start fasting and praying now that i will be one of the 3 people admitted into the program from my school. yep, you read it right. 3. this is why i’m bat-crap crazy. it’s so much pressure!

go to college right after high school and save yourself some of the stress. college classes can be very stressful, but even more so if you have a family, responsibility, bills, and a glorious plan to move around the holidays. just pick something! you don’t have to do whatever you pick forever if you don’t want to, but choose something!

… i’m on my second cup of coffee at 9:10 and you’ve been asleep for 3 hours. how much you wanna bet that when i move you to the bed in 5 minutes, you’re gonna wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed?

i bet ya $50.

love forever,

mama

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