just letters

the one about Christmas break, Nora Ephron, cops, and visitors

 

2013christmastree

 

dear silly girl,

i can’t keep you out of the Christmas tree. i’m starting to worry that you have developed an obsessive compulsive disorder that makes it impossible for you to not touch each ornament, pull the special ones off, be sent to the corner, and come back and do it all again.

a couple years ago i bought all of the ornaments on our tree. i’m starting to get a little sick of them, but i spent enough money on them to keep myself from thinking i should replace them. and i’m broke so that pretty much keeps me in my place.

i’m ready for Christmas this year. i’m enjoying my break from school and all i really want to do is read books that want to read, throw every strawberry shortcake and doc mcstuffins dvd we own away, wrap presents from santa, and bake a bazillion cookies. we’re going to see lights tonight, and i can’t wait! it takes me a few days to actually feel like i’m on break, and then i just dive right in.

you would also be proud to know that i made an A in all 3 classes. even chemistry! i almost fell on the floor. given, my A in chemistry was a 90, but i don’t care. i will never, ever, ever take that class, or one like it, again. i plan to promptly sell my book so i don’t even have to remember that i took it at all.

… the other night i was perusing the library catalog {because i am so fashionable and dangerous} when i spotted the new Nora Ephron collection, The Most of Nora Ephron. i don’t usually capitalize many things on this blog on purpose, but Nora was and still is my favorite author that ever lived. for classical literature snobs, that’s probably laughable, but i love her. i’ve read almost everything she ever wrote, and i’ve collected every recipe i can get my hands on except her beef borscht. yuck. it has beets in it and lots of beet juice.

anyway, it was 8 o’clock at night, but i didn’t care. i bundled you up, drug daddy off the couch, and forced him to drive to the central-clemson library. i knew if i didn’t grab it, someone else would and then they’d never return it. it took me all of 5 minutes to find it, check out, and demand illegal speed to get us home. i’ve had this book in my face ever since.

… i’ve been having real trouble keeping you in your seat in the car. this escaping the seat belt has led to me telling you that if you don’t stay in your seat, the cops will pull us over and take us to jail. this tale has led to another game.

what does red mean?

stop.

what does green mean?

go.

what does yellow mean?

slow it down.

what does blue mean?

cops!

we were leaving the store not long ago when i mentioned that there was  a cop car in the parking lot. the officer who owns the car ended up in front of us in the check out line. you didn’t notice him until we had both checked out and were headed back to the car. then you loudly declared, “mom, there’s the cop car! let’s get out of here!”

i laughed, hoping he hadn’t heard. i would hate for a police officer to think that i had taught my child to spot cops because we’re busy running a drug ring or committing felonies somewhere.

we got in the car and a conversation ensued.

mom, we gotta get outta here. that cop will get us and take us to the cave and it will be dark and cold.

baby, he won’t take us to a cave. if you ever need help, you need to call the cops. i don’t want you to be scared of them.

{blankly} we gotta get outta here. 

so now i’m having to make sure you understand that the police are your friends. they’re not going to take you to the cave {a.k.a. jail}.

i retold this story to gran and mema, who has unfortunately frequented a few jails in her time.

her response: yeah, jail is cold.

me: {eyes rolling} mother, stop. 

it’s embarrassing to have a parent who has ever been incarcerated, but it’s even more embarrassing that she’s not embarrassed. given, i think she’s only ever stayed for one night, but still. no stories.

… currently, we are waiting on my friend jennifer to arrive. she said she’d be here around 10:30 or 11, so she’ll probably be here around 4. it’s just her way. we’re swapping gifts today and it’s a major deal for us to be ahead of the game. usually, we swap gifts in march. you should have seen us year before last at cracker barrel, in the spring, opening presents with santa on them.

it’s better than how things go for my twin, joanna.  i’ve had a gift sitting on my desk for her for almost 2 years now. talk about slack. there is no excuse for it. i’m going to start sending her gifts straight from the internet so she at least gets them.

i really need to get my crap together.

well, because i have company coming, i need to go scrub something and check my mirrors for fingerprints.

because i’m sure she’s going to be looking around my house with a magnifying glass.

love forever,

mama

 

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4 thoughts on “the one about Christmas break, Nora Ephron, cops, and visitors

  1. Congrats on your hard-won victory over Chem!! Good look with the ornaments…they ARE tough to resist. FYI- Car seat escapes are how I found out that my daughter was double-jointed. And your “copper caper” made me laugh. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting! I’m afraid of the contortion she had to have been in for you to discover the double jointedness! It’s a wonder that they have limbs attached at all! 🙂

  2. I love how you have your tree topped. It’s different and very Christmas-y. Congratulations on the A’s — especially chemistry!

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