just letters

monday is my first day of dental hygiene school

dear silly girl,

i start my program next monday, and i feel like i’m 5 and starting kindergarten myself.

i am scared to death.

why the heck do i feel this way? i’ve fought through blood, sweat, tears, and satanic microbiology teachers to get here. i should be excited!

but i’m not.

i’m scared that it’s going to be so hard that i’m not going to have a life.

i’m scared that i’m going to hate it.

i’m scared that i’m going to do something to humiliate myself in front of everyone.

i’m scared that i’m not going to like anyone in my group or have anything in common with them at all.

i’m scared that i’ve spent all of this money on supplies and kits for a career that i may not be able to find a job for afterwards. {though you should know that i did check with the bureau of labor statistics before i picked my major and dental hygiene has a better outlook than nursing.}

i’m scared that it’s going to seem like it’s taking forever because 2 years of prerequisites has already felt like forever to me.

i’m scared that i’ve wasted time. time with you, time to enjoy being together before school comes every year for you, too.

but i’m doing it.

i’m going to go in there hoping that i’m not the only one who feels this way, knowing that my life – our lives – will be so much better when i’m finished.

i know i’m smart enough. i know i work hard enough. i’m just holding on to the hope that life will work out like it’s suppose to.

i hope that one day all of these things i’m telling you will help you somehow.

and i hope you’ll be braver than me.

love forever,

mama

 

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